Question of The Day: Changing Yourself!

So today's question from @motivationMY is:

"If someone you LOVE wants you to CHANGE, would YOU do it for HIM/HER? Explain"


I tweeted back that I will blog about this, 'cos I've been through the same exact situation and I feel like my answer would be too long for 140 characters! Haha! So here we go. My answer would be different under different circumstances. I think I've been through a lot of changes. Some good, and some bad. 

I have only been in love twice, so I don't really know about people who have dated more than me. For me, my goal was to be with the other person for as long as I could. And to a certain extend, I believe I have been doing quite well. But with my ex, he wanted me to change, but it was for his benefit. He wanted me to do insurance and here's the best part, he wanted me to eat more vegetables for the worst reasons ever! Don't even bother guessing, cos you'll just never get it right. It's cos, his family eats a lot of vegetables and he wanted me to get along with his family so that's why he wanted me to eat vegetables! Like retarded right? Like who would think about persuading someone to eat vegetables just so that they can "relate" to your family??? Super dumb! He persuaded me to drink, which I eventually gave in. But here, let me clarify, this is for the wrong reason. I did it, cos I wanted him to stay with me. Yes, I was that shallow. It is quite painful to admit that I was so dumb. I really like wanted to keep him, to an extend that I almost lost myself. I believe that this is very destructive. Never ever change for one person. It's not fair on yourself and at the end of the day, you shouldn't change yourself to adapt to another person. That is just plain stupidity! You have more dignity and more self-esteem than that! Always remember that. 

Now to my 2nd and current love. He makes me feel like there is an actual reason behind why he wants me to change. Actually, the biggest one he made together with me, was to help me increase my self-esteem. I think that's really helpful. I was once at a point where, every other girl, in my eyes, was so much better or hotter or smarter or sportier than me. I have had a very bad past. Actually we both have, that's why when I was like that (low self-esteem!), he totally understood me and helped me get out of that "dark times". I'm not saying like as if my self-esteem is like through the roof, but it's definitely better than last time. I mean, how can I achieve my dreams of being a socialite if I don't have the confidence right? :) But the difference is, he made me feel like as if I deserve to feel like I'm better than some people cos I am. I feel grateful for that. He sort of made me feel better about myself. Only thing is, he doesn't like me to change my looks! Which means, me wanting to be slim and putting on more make-up, he feels is unnecessary. But I guess it's what you do when you want to become a socialite :) 


I'm quite happy with who I am now, working on some life changes, but they are for my own benefit and to achieve my own dreams. Not because someone wants me to get along with his family (I seriously can't believe how stupid I was!), but because I want to achieve my own dreams. 

I think most importantly, people need to realize that if you're changing for someone else, rather than yourself, you would end up being unhappy and unsatisfied with your life. Then, 3 things can happen. 

1. You will be very angry at yourself and you will lose your temper at yourself (ie. cut yourself);
2. You will be angry at whoever tried to change you, and you will keep throwing tantrums at that person;
3. You will end your own life because that's how unhappy you'll be. 

Of course I really hope that no. 3 doesn't happen to anyone. In fact, wake up! You are so much better than a lot of people make you out to be! Never ever look down on yourself. In the words of Christina Aguilera: You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down! :) Be the change that you wanna see in the world! 

Love, Sheryl1986 <3