This blog post is quite emotional for me. One of my blog posts raised a lot of rage as I had hurt some people in the process of setting up that post. Here, I would like to apologize to each and every person whom I've hurt.
To be very honest, I have a few Caucasian friends. Well, probably they wouldn't wanna be my friends anymore after reading my post. But I really admire what they do. Some of them are really dedicated at their jobs. In the back of my mind, was anger and I wasn't really thinking about what I had said. I really apologize for that.
To some of you, you have really helped me at doing my work. I understand how my post could've hurt you and I again would like to mention that the post was out of anger. I did not mean to hurt or harm anyone. I know all the "sorry"s in the world will not take back for what I have done. But I just want to do my part.
I admit that I was being very "pathetic" and "immature" as to what people called me. I admit as well that I was "deluded". I was so engrossed in my anger that I did not stop to think of the consequences of my actions. Well, lesson learned. I probably have lost many friends which I had made. This is a very expensive price to pay, because for those of you who know me well, I love having friends around me. Now I don't.
It would make sense to me to being called a puppet or clone. I admit that I love being in a community where friendship is stronger than anything else. Friendship and passion over something is what makes Cempaka what it is now. Nothing anyone or I can say, will ever bring it down. I knew this since I was in A-Levels hence my insistance on not pursuing Accountings and going back there. I knew that this was the place for me. And this was even before "him".
Why is this emotional, you might ask? Well, because of what I did, I may have lost a family. One who had helped me grow and cared for me. Most importantly, I have hurt the one I love the most. He is hurt because I have hurt his school and his family. Again, I know and I realize my mistakes. I apologize to everyone and most of all, to apologize to him.
I know that nothing I say or do can reverse the harm that I have done. But all I can do is apologize again and again for what I have said, and especially to the teachers and my friends whom I have hurt. I did not mean to hurt or harm anyone. Everything that I had said was out of rage and out of anger. It was completely my mistake. I was in fact being pathetic, immature, and deluded.
I will make the effort to apologize to each and every person, face-to-face, whom I have hurt or harmed. I did not mean to ambush or catch anyone off the hook.
Lesson learned: Never act on emotions. It won't get you anywhere, it'll just make things worst.
Love, Sheryl1986 <3
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